


Would We Call This Ironic?

by maxbegone



Series: Schitt's Creek Tumblr Prompts [19]
Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Episode: s05e02 Love Letters, Friendship, Irony, Missing Scene, Precursor to Meet The Parents, Prompt Fill, Rose Apothecary (Schitt's Creek), surprise parties
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:53:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25957810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maxbegone/pseuds/maxbegone
Summary: “There’s a box of sunscreen in the stockroom that needs to be set out on that far table,” David points to it, “Make sure you line them up correctly. The label should face out.”“Yeah, yeah. “Stevie heads toward the back with a wave of her hand. “Whatever I do, you’ll just wind up rearranging anyway.”“I wouldn’t have to if you would just do it right the first time!” David calls after her.--Written for the dialogue prompt:“I’m only here to establish an alibi.”
Relationships: Stevie Budd & David Rose
Series: Schitt's Creek Tumblr Prompts [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1806070
Comments: 5
Kudos: 49





	Would We Call This Ironic?

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [@silver-latin-and-salt](silver-latin-and-salt.tumblr.com) on tumblr.

“Hi, I can’t thank you enough for helping me today,” David greets as Stevie walks in, the bell jingling and fading out above the door.

“I’m only here to establish an alibi,” Stevie replies. David hands her a paper cup. “You’re not paying me in coffee, David.”

“It’s a thank you for helping restock this morning while Patrick’s at the bank,” comes his sharp reply. “Are you just going to keep your bag on the whole time, then?”

Stevie adjusts the strap on her shoulder, “The sooner we’re done, the sooner I’m out of here. What do you need me to do?”

“There’s a box of sunscreen in the stockroom that needs to be set out on that far table,” David points to it, “Make sure you line them up correctly. The label should face out.”

“Yeah, yeah. “Stevie heads toward the back with a wave of her hand. “Whatever I do, you’ll just wind up rearranging anyway.”

“I wouldn’t have to if you would just do it right the first time!” David calls after her.

Stevie rolls her eyes as she carries the box back out from behind the curtain. She sets it on the till and cuts into the tape with a scissor in one long motion. Inside the box are light yellow tubes of sunscreen. David plucks one up and holds it out for her to take.

“You might need this,” he says with a wincing expression, “You’re kind of pale.”

She sets her hands on her hips, “Are you going to set one aside for your boyfriend?”

“I already set aside two from the first shipment.” David pushes her toward the empty table. 

He hovers over her right shoulder for a few minutes until he deems her work “satisfactory, at best,” and carries on with the arrangement of candles on the shelves behind her.

“When you’re done with that, there are two cases of wine that have to be put away,” David says as he rotates the jars of tapenade and red pepper jams that sit on the top shelf in the fridge.

“Can I take a bottle off your hands?”

He scoffs at her, “No. But I’ll debate knocking ten percent off if you hurry up.”

She finds the cases stacked one on top of the other near the bathroom. Bending down to grab the first one, Stevie realizes she severely underestimated its weight and lets out a groan.

“Lift with your legs!” She hears David yell from the front.

“I should be telling you that,” she huffs, but listens to him anyway.

“So I wanted to run something by you,” David starts as they put the bottles away, “but first you need to promise that you’ll keep it between us.”

“You’re not running away again, are you?” She immediately thinks back to a few years prior when David stole Roland’s truck in a distraught stupor when selling the town fell through.

“What? No.”

“Then it wholly depends on what it is that you’re about to tell me,” she replies, deadpan. “If you’re about to reveal that you guys are debating on switching out those cat hair scarves for ones made out of human hair because Patrick’s allergic, I’m going to run and tell the whole town.”

David narrows his eyes. “That’s disgusting,” he says with a full bounce.

Stevie just shrugs, “What is it, then?”

She watches as David tucks his lips away, tugging at the sleeves of his cardigan as he visibly works up the courage to speak. 

“It’s, like, several months away,” he starts, palms out, “but Patrick’s birthday _is_ coming up.” 

“Okay?” Stevie pushes her brows together. “You clearly have something planned…”

“It’s in the very early stages, but yes.” David’s now distractedly polishing the bottle he’s holding with the cuff of his sleeve. “I haven’t even started a mood board yet—“

“—Oh boy—“

“But I wanted to throw him a surprise party.” He smiles at her, a toothy, nervous grin. “Patrick’s always wanted one.”

“That’s sweet,” she smiles. Patrick definitely had a more wholesome and normal childhood than both of them combined. “Do you need me to do anything?”

“Oh, I’m definitely going to need your help. First, you cannot mention this to _anyone,_ obviously you won’t say anything to Patrick because you’re not stupid but _especially_ not my parents or Alexis. The second one of them finds out about it, it’s over. They notoriously cannot keep secrets.”

“And you’re telling me because you think I can?”

“I’m telling you because I _know_ you can.” David sets the last bottle inside and closes the door for now. “I’ve told you things that you’ve promised to take to the grave, or at least my funeral. My mother could be sworn to secrecy under a legal oath and she’d still manage to tell someone.” 

_That tracks,_ Stevie thinks. Mrs. Rose immediately told her about the Crows movie’s very confusing plot and subplot the week she arrived home from Bosnia. Not that she was fully able to follow along, anyway.

“There’s one more thing,” David says then. 

“I know,” Stevie turns on her heel, “I’m grabbing the other case now—“

“No, not that.” David reaches to stop her. He cocks his head to the side, “I mean _yes,_ that, too, but regarding the party. I just need your, um…opinion on it.”

“Okay…? What’s going on?”

She watches as David takes a deep breath and holds it in for a beat. “I’m thinking of inviting Patrick’s parents.” 

As soon as he says it, David’s biting his bottom lip and eyeing Stevie intently for a reaction. Her jaw drops a little, her facial expression somewhere between shock and awe.

“You haven’t even met them yet,” she says, and it’s not really a question but David’s nodding and confirming her suspicions. 

“They call twice a week, sometimes more than that, just to ask about the store, and I always talk to them, too. Like I said, we have some time…But what do you think?”

Stevie’s beaming now, really. “I think you should do it. It’s a great idea, David. Do you know where the party’s gonna be?” She takes a quick glance around the store and adds, “I don’t think this is the best place.”

“I still need to brainstorm a list of venues. It’s all in its very early stages, like I said.” He makes his way back around the counter, “So you think he’ll like it?”

“Not to get sappy,” she starts, “but Patrick loves you and he loves almost anything you do.”

“Okay.” It seems to convince him. He claps his hands together, “Okay. We have a few months.”

“We have a few months,” Stevie repeats, nodding. “It’s pretty exciting, though. The only other surprise party I ever went to was for your mom a few years ago, and you guys ruined that for her.”

“Yeah,” David sighs, “fingers crossed I don’t do that this time. Go get the other case?”

“Yep.” 

The box weighs about the same as the last, and Stevie doesn’t make a grunting noise this time around. However she almost drops the thing on her foot and winds up owing David and Patrick a lot of money in damages when she sees the guy wearing a ski man with his hand tucked into his hoodie.

It’s right about then that Stevie realizes how truly wonderful irony can be, her statement from earlier about having an alibi ringing in her ears.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! You can find me [@maxbegone](maxbegone.tumblr.com) on tumblr!


End file.
